Home has been a trip in it's own dimension. The sun is shining, which helps. Helps all of us do everything. And mostly it helps connections. The Sun Connection.
It's been a struggle to adjust, but I've come to terms with the fact that I might never settle the way I was before I left.
The constant edge that I feel is yet to go away. None of it feels as real, and I'm glad. I'm insanely busy, between working, apartment searching and just being, it's exhausting. I can't imagine what life will be like when I'm back in school. I fear the day I wake up and go to class, then come home to do home work. Living this dream has kept me alive and free, I CANNOT lose that.
So far I haven't felt like I've really lost anything. It's still the phase of rediscovery and questions. I think about turning around every day. I find myself looking at rideshares on craigslist, just for fun. I may have made a few phone calls to people who were driving out west, it reminds me of the wanderlust.
I bought a new snowboard. It's sick. That's my commitment for being here this winter. "Here" though really just means in Vermont, where I can use my ski pass. Otherwise I might have been on the road again by now. As tired as I was when I was traveling, it was that good kind. Now it's a very different kind of sleepy. Like a dopey daze. Trapped in a maze. That's exactly it. I feel like I'm stuck in this crazy labyrinth of life and work and friends and me and I'm in too much of a daze to see it all.
Today I'm in Burlington, and my mom is coming up to look at apartments with me. I'm excited? Ha. anyways. I guess I just missed writing my blog. Blog, there's something very concrete about the word. Funny, for all the airyness of my head.
Yup, feelin pretty free and happily ever after.
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