It snowed today enough to make a difference. I woke up t snow on the ground and in the air. All day it's been cloudy cool, the kind that doesn't make you miss the sunshine. At first I thought that's why I was in a funk, but it's not. I've been waiting so long for the snow, winter to be on it's way.
Yesterday, it was windy and the sun was shining. I woke up cozy and happy. My new place feels like home after a week. It's Burlington that has got me worried. Maybe today is too soon to make any real decisions about how I feel. The afternoon sent my to the lake yesterday, I read poetry and just thanked the sun for shining. I have plenty to offer, as I always do and always hope I will. Ergh, I have to take a break.
I said that yesterday to Hedda. I was walking to the water and I said, "Oh, I'm just taking a break..."
"From work?"
"No."
Sometimes life deserves a break. Meditation is a task and not a gift. I miss the times when I was traveling and meditation seemed to come so easily and quickly. The real world is much less forgiving than the dream that I once lived in. Being back, I've been looking for something, looking for a life, or something, and I have not been able to find it, or what it is. That's what is so exhausting, a constant search, yearning, striving.
School is not what will fill that void. Even though that would be nice, I know it's not what I'm looking for. It will play a different role than it did before, but not necessarily better. I don't want to go back.
Fuck
Monday, December 7, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
December 1, 2009
It feels like December today. Last night I fell asleep thinking it had come too soon, but now I'm convinced that it's right on time.
My new apartment in Burlington is perfection. It's so cute and spacious and ideal for what I need right now. Also, I have a job interview tomorrow, so fingers crossed and everybody pray.
Recently I've felt very healthy, in the sense that I feel alive. I'm busy most of the time and the newness in my life has been helping with that. I don't want to use the word happiness because I thinka tthis point in my life, happiness will start taking on new forms. Times of transition almost always throw me through a loop. Or maybe I just turn into a loop, the upside down giggly feeling you get on a roller coaster. It's scary, but exhilirating and worth the ride.
My new apartment in Burlington is perfection. It's so cute and spacious and ideal for what I need right now. Also, I have a job interview tomorrow, so fingers crossed and everybody pray.
Recently I've felt very healthy, in the sense that I feel alive. I'm busy most of the time and the newness in my life has been helping with that. I don't want to use the word happiness because I thinka tthis point in my life, happiness will start taking on new forms. Times of transition almost always throw me through a loop. Or maybe I just turn into a loop, the upside down giggly feeling you get on a roller coaster. It's scary, but exhilirating and worth the ride.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Dazes and mazes and sunshine.
Home has been a trip in it's own dimension. The sun is shining, which helps. Helps all of us do everything. And mostly it helps connections. The Sun Connection.
It's been a struggle to adjust, but I've come to terms with the fact that I might never settle the way I was before I left.
The constant edge that I feel is yet to go away. None of it feels as real, and I'm glad. I'm insanely busy, between working, apartment searching and just being, it's exhausting. I can't imagine what life will be like when I'm back in school. I fear the day I wake up and go to class, then come home to do home work. Living this dream has kept me alive and free, I CANNOT lose that.
So far I haven't felt like I've really lost anything. It's still the phase of rediscovery and questions. I think about turning around every day. I find myself looking at rideshares on craigslist, just for fun. I may have made a few phone calls to people who were driving out west, it reminds me of the wanderlust.
I bought a new snowboard. It's sick. That's my commitment for being here this winter. "Here" though really just means in Vermont, where I can use my ski pass. Otherwise I might have been on the road again by now. As tired as I was when I was traveling, it was that good kind. Now it's a very different kind of sleepy. Like a dopey daze. Trapped in a maze. That's exactly it. I feel like I'm stuck in this crazy labyrinth of life and work and friends and me and I'm in too much of a daze to see it all.
Today I'm in Burlington, and my mom is coming up to look at apartments with me. I'm excited? Ha. anyways. I guess I just missed writing my blog. Blog, there's something very concrete about the word. Funny, for all the airyness of my head.
Yup, feelin pretty free and happily ever after.
It's been a struggle to adjust, but I've come to terms with the fact that I might never settle the way I was before I left.
The constant edge that I feel is yet to go away. None of it feels as real, and I'm glad. I'm insanely busy, between working, apartment searching and just being, it's exhausting. I can't imagine what life will be like when I'm back in school. I fear the day I wake up and go to class, then come home to do home work. Living this dream has kept me alive and free, I CANNOT lose that.
So far I haven't felt like I've really lost anything. It's still the phase of rediscovery and questions. I think about turning around every day. I find myself looking at rideshares on craigslist, just for fun. I may have made a few phone calls to people who were driving out west, it reminds me of the wanderlust.
I bought a new snowboard. It's sick. That's my commitment for being here this winter. "Here" though really just means in Vermont, where I can use my ski pass. Otherwise I might have been on the road again by now. As tired as I was when I was traveling, it was that good kind. Now it's a very different kind of sleepy. Like a dopey daze. Trapped in a maze. That's exactly it. I feel like I'm stuck in this crazy labyrinth of life and work and friends and me and I'm in too much of a daze to see it all.
Today I'm in Burlington, and my mom is coming up to look at apartments with me. I'm excited? Ha. anyways. I guess I just missed writing my blog. Blog, there's something very concrete about the word. Funny, for all the airyness of my head.
Yup, feelin pretty free and happily ever after.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
October 30, 2009
In the last hours of my 21-year-old-hood-dom I came to realize very few new things. I'm finally in Brooklyn with Nicky. I'm going home on Monday, and it gives me the heeby jeebies...
Before I begin, I must warn that it is the morning and I'm pants-free in a state of half-asleep-wine-o-delirium. I just happen to feel like I have a lot on my mind, which could very well prove to be about nothing.
I'm excited to hang out with my mom. Yes, mom, that's a shout out. I'm mostly just amped to not have to pack and re-pack my back pack every three days or so and mosey on. There are still plenty of days for venturing. Mostly, I try to focus on today.
A huge part of me wants to say "Screw you" to the world, but there's that same part that wants to say "Bring it on." I'm feeling like I don't care what is being asked of me because I can give so much. The struggle of always wanted to do stuff for other people has been resolved. Constantly making people happy is what it's about, but I'll take my own route, thank you very much.
njktyyyyyyyyy... haha that's what Nicky's kitty had to say about things. ADORABLE.
Justine asked me what I learned from my trip and whether I felt like I changed or not. It will be clear to everyone at home that I haven't changed, we all pretty much know who I am. I know all ya'll pretty well, too. What the circumstances permit is a change in my priorities. If life wasn't so much fun, then why would we all be here? While it's tears me up to think about working today for something I'll be given tomorrow, I do hold some faith in that. More importantly, I can't get so caught up in tomorrow that I lose today, especially cuz it's my birthday. HA, no but I mean that for everyday.
The homeless man on the street thinks I have "gorgeous" hair, and I agree with him. There are small commonalities between us and everyone. Just the fact that we're all here, doing something, even when it feels like nothing, is enough to put us on common ground, maybe even a higher ground.
I've been roaming the country all googly eyed for a while now, and I can't wait to bring it all home.
Happy Birthday tooo mmeeeeeee.
Back to bed,
Into my dreams.
Before I begin, I must warn that it is the morning and I'm pants-free in a state of half-asleep-wine-o-delirium. I just happen to feel like I have a lot on my mind, which could very well prove to be about nothing.
I'm excited to hang out with my mom. Yes, mom, that's a shout out. I'm mostly just amped to not have to pack and re-pack my back pack every three days or so and mosey on. There are still plenty of days for venturing. Mostly, I try to focus on today.
A huge part of me wants to say "Screw you" to the world, but there's that same part that wants to say "Bring it on." I'm feeling like I don't care what is being asked of me because I can give so much. The struggle of always wanted to do stuff for other people has been resolved. Constantly making people happy is what it's about, but I'll take my own route, thank you very much.
njktyyyyyyyyy... haha that's what Nicky's kitty had to say about things. ADORABLE.
Justine asked me what I learned from my trip and whether I felt like I changed or not. It will be clear to everyone at home that I haven't changed, we all pretty much know who I am. I know all ya'll pretty well, too. What the circumstances permit is a change in my priorities. If life wasn't so much fun, then why would we all be here? While it's tears me up to think about working today for something I'll be given tomorrow, I do hold some faith in that. More importantly, I can't get so caught up in tomorrow that I lose today, especially cuz it's my birthday. HA, no but I mean that for everyday.
The homeless man on the street thinks I have "gorgeous" hair, and I agree with him. There are small commonalities between us and everyone. Just the fact that we're all here, doing something, even when it feels like nothing, is enough to put us on common ground, maybe even a higher ground.
I've been roaming the country all googly eyed for a while now, and I can't wait to bring it all home.
Happy Birthday tooo mmeeeeeee.
Back to bed,
Into my dreams.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
October 21, 2009
Who was this Steve King? Was he legit? Creepy? Serial killer? He could have been all or none of the above, but he seemed pretty normal to me. He had very kind eyes and he wore Carhartts and rode one of those funny, tiny bikes that fold up (so he can fit it in his tiny plane, duh). We met at a mall in Raleigh, then went downtown to find a restaurant near the Amtrak station for dinner. I had trout, he had steak, we both drank beers. He's 45, lived on both east and west coasts, but his heart is really out west. Two boys, 9th and 10th grade, a wife and I sensed the tiniest bit of cynicism in his manner. Anyways, dinner was lovely, we agreed to stay in touch and he dropped me at the station and I went along my merry way. Down the yellow brick road...
And to a magical place they call Orlando. Since arriving in Orlando yesterday I have heard more Avril Lavigne songs than I have in the past 365 days of my life, its weird. Besides that, it's been great to see my aunt, it's always so relaxing to come down here. Weather has been warm, not necessarily sunny, but the warmth makes your bones work better and just makes you feel lighter. I might be watching too much History Channel, but what's a girl to do?
It's been almost two months since I've been on the road that I'll call my own. A Dream. The things I can now call my own seem like they shouldn't be, but at least they last forever, like Styrofoam. Except mine aren't squeaky and synthetic by any means. I've got all this real stuff swimming around the channels of my brain and saturated in my heart. Thank you, World.
Now it's time to come home. I head to Jersey on Monday, then to the city for the weekend. When most of you see me, I'll be 22. I'll still have blonde hair and blue eyes, but hopefully there will be some extra twinkle and shine.
So much love and plenty of light.
And to a magical place they call Orlando. Since arriving in Orlando yesterday I have heard more Avril Lavigne songs than I have in the past 365 days of my life, its weird. Besides that, it's been great to see my aunt, it's always so relaxing to come down here. Weather has been warm, not necessarily sunny, but the warmth makes your bones work better and just makes you feel lighter. I might be watching too much History Channel, but what's a girl to do?
It's been almost two months since I've been on the road that I'll call my own. A Dream. The things I can now call my own seem like they shouldn't be, but at least they last forever, like Styrofoam. Except mine aren't squeaky and synthetic by any means. I've got all this real stuff swimming around the channels of my brain and saturated in my heart. Thank you, World.
Now it's time to come home. I head to Jersey on Monday, then to the city for the weekend. When most of you see me, I'll be 22. I'll still have blonde hair and blue eyes, but hopefully there will be some extra twinkle and shine.
So much love and plenty of light.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
October 18, 2009
I never thought that the second time someone would tell me that I was like a young Janis Joplin would have been in a South Carolina sports bar. Also, that it would be a 62 year old cop/Vietnam veteran with a mustache, drinking corona who would say it. Yesterday I went to the first half of the Clemson football game, then watched the second half, and then some, at The Esso Club where Ali works. Myself and her roommate had ourselves a great time. We ended up spending all afternoon and into the evening there, before going to a bonfire in the woods (well not really the woods, but whatevs). It was just like home. The confederate flag and The Dead seemed to be a completely natural combination last night, contrary to anything I had ever thought before.
Tomorrow I drop off the car and meet this mystery pilot for the first time. I'm excited to get the car off my hands, and also to get to Orlando and relax int he sun with my aunt!
Love you.
Tomorrow I drop off the car and meet this mystery pilot for the first time. I'm excited to get the car off my hands, and also to get to Orlando and relax int he sun with my aunt!
Love you.
Friday, October 16, 2009
October 16, 2009
Friday Night
From GA to SC.
Leaving Elizabeth was difficult. Two years is a long time to be apart, and it's scary to think that it could be that long until we see each other again. We vowed to not let it be that long ever again. Too long.
Wednesday ended up be an afternoon of movies and relaxation; something I hadn't done in a very long time. When Elizabeth got home form work we hung out on the porch, before going to a friends for wine and then to a dinner of buffalo chicken pizza. I made a jukebox buddy at the bar that night, we played some Dr. Dre, a little Otis Redding and definitely Queen. I've gone from absolutely doubting the benefit of human contact, to energy that self propels within my bones.
The next day we slept in, and hung out. We went antiquing, full of oo's and ah's and shits and giggles. Then back at home came the wine and good company. Brats and sauerkraut, tobacco and herbs. By the end of the night we were passing notes at the bar and wishing I never had to leave.
Unfortunately, after a lovely, early morning breakfast I hit the road and my BFF went to work. The drive was super easy, but lasted forever because of the tears. I think we were both surprised by how much we miss each other. Good friends can be hard to find, but we are all so lucky to have them. I don't like to walk away.
Clemson is sweet. I spent all day in a daze. But it has been really nice and comforting to see Ali. It is easy to sit around, watch TV and just be. Tonight Ali had to work, so I ventured to watch the basketball team do tricks and put on a show to celebrate the first day of practice. Another world unlike mine is that of college sports, yet I had a blast. Glow sticks, pompoms and slam dunks. Mascots and nachos. I felt like I was in high school again, and it was nice to have my mind diverted for a solid five hours of spirited events. I'm very tired.
I do miss home!
From GA to SC.
Leaving Elizabeth was difficult. Two years is a long time to be apart, and it's scary to think that it could be that long until we see each other again. We vowed to not let it be that long ever again. Too long.
Wednesday ended up be an afternoon of movies and relaxation; something I hadn't done in a very long time. When Elizabeth got home form work we hung out on the porch, before going to a friends for wine and then to a dinner of buffalo chicken pizza. I made a jukebox buddy at the bar that night, we played some Dr. Dre, a little Otis Redding and definitely Queen. I've gone from absolutely doubting the benefit of human contact, to energy that self propels within my bones.
The next day we slept in, and hung out. We went antiquing, full of oo's and ah's and shits and giggles. Then back at home came the wine and good company. Brats and sauerkraut, tobacco and herbs. By the end of the night we were passing notes at the bar and wishing I never had to leave.
Unfortunately, after a lovely, early morning breakfast I hit the road and my BFF went to work. The drive was super easy, but lasted forever because of the tears. I think we were both surprised by how much we miss each other. Good friends can be hard to find, but we are all so lucky to have them. I don't like to walk away.
Clemson is sweet. I spent all day in a daze. But it has been really nice and comforting to see Ali. It is easy to sit around, watch TV and just be. Tonight Ali had to work, so I ventured to watch the basketball team do tricks and put on a show to celebrate the first day of practice. Another world unlike mine is that of college sports, yet I had a blast. Glow sticks, pompoms and slam dunks. Mascots and nachos. I felt like I was in high school again, and it was nice to have my mind diverted for a solid five hours of spirited events. I'm very tired.
I do miss home!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
October 14, 2009
It seems like fall has just begun to fly by. Maybe it's a combination of the ground I've covered and of time itself. I can't believe it's mid-October.
Sunday was my last day in Boulder. Eli and I went to a coffee shop on Pearl St, which was designed by the same dude that did Church St in Burlington. It really made me feel like things are going to be just great when I finally do get back to Vermont. The snow and mountains and people in Colorado were great mental preps for home. These simple, little things are what reminded me why I love Vermont. Not to mention that Sunday night we ventured out to a farmhouse for a feast of freshly harvested squash, great wine and some cookies. There were two kittens to play with and easy going people. Happy People.
Colorado had been everything I hoped. I will recommend that everyone watch 'The Onion' movie, I'm not sure if it has a different name but it's hilarious, and 'That's it, That's all', it's a phenomenal snowboard movie.
I hit the road early on Monday morning, it was still dark and I had to brush snow and ice off of my car. Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, Arkansas. Perhaps the only things worth mentioning were the worlds largest Czech painted egg and 'The Hometown of Carrie Underwood'. I spent the night in a Super 8 watching 'Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back' and eating microwave popcorn.
Free breakfast the next morning and Arkansas, Tennessee, M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I, Alabama, Georgia. Which brings me to Elizabeth. Gosh it is so nice to be here! Last night we drank wine and chattered our heads off before going out to the bar. I realized I haven't really done the bar scene with anyone that I've visited... I totally miss it. So we talked with rando's and listened to bad karaoke; feels like home. After the bar closed we went to a pizza shop that is yet to be open and drank Keystone in the completed kitchen, sitting on counters and talking with the guys who are working on opening up the spot. Elizabeth's friends are good folk, for sure.
From what I've seen, Gainesville is spectacular. I don't know if I can call the mix of people "eclectic", but it is definitely unique. Elizabeth's house is fucking adorable. She had to go to work this afternoon, so I'm catching up on my correspondences and drinking too much coffee. Tonight we shall bar hop and rampage and continue to tell high school stories. It's been two years since my BFFFFFF*inF has been home, so we're having no qualms with being OOC (out of control). Rockin' It.
Stay tuned...
Sunday was my last day in Boulder. Eli and I went to a coffee shop on Pearl St, which was designed by the same dude that did Church St in Burlington. It really made me feel like things are going to be just great when I finally do get back to Vermont. The snow and mountains and people in Colorado were great mental preps for home. These simple, little things are what reminded me why I love Vermont. Not to mention that Sunday night we ventured out to a farmhouse for a feast of freshly harvested squash, great wine and some cookies. There were two kittens to play with and easy going people. Happy People.
Colorado had been everything I hoped. I will recommend that everyone watch 'The Onion' movie, I'm not sure if it has a different name but it's hilarious, and 'That's it, That's all', it's a phenomenal snowboard movie.
I hit the road early on Monday morning, it was still dark and I had to brush snow and ice off of my car. Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, Arkansas. Perhaps the only things worth mentioning were the worlds largest Czech painted egg and 'The Hometown of Carrie Underwood'. I spent the night in a Super 8 watching 'Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back' and eating microwave popcorn.
Free breakfast the next morning and Arkansas, Tennessee, M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I, Alabama, Georgia. Which brings me to Elizabeth. Gosh it is so nice to be here! Last night we drank wine and chattered our heads off before going out to the bar. I realized I haven't really done the bar scene with anyone that I've visited... I totally miss it. So we talked with rando's and listened to bad karaoke; feels like home. After the bar closed we went to a pizza shop that is yet to be open and drank Keystone in the completed kitchen, sitting on counters and talking with the guys who are working on opening up the spot. Elizabeth's friends are good folk, for sure.
From what I've seen, Gainesville is spectacular. I don't know if I can call the mix of people "eclectic", but it is definitely unique. Elizabeth's house is fucking adorable. She had to go to work this afternoon, so I'm catching up on my correspondences and drinking too much coffee. Tonight we shall bar hop and rampage and continue to tell high school stories. It's been two years since my BFFFFFF*inF has been home, so we're having no qualms with being OOC (out of control). Rockin' It.
Stay tuned...
Sunday, October 11, 2009
10 Days Later
There's white stuff on the ground and sun in the sky!
I'm not sure how it all happened, but I'm in Boulder, CO. A constant state of delirium has been clouding most of my thoughts and days for the past ten.
The five days I spent in San Francisco were some of the craziest. First of all, the train was awesome. I made lots of friends and had SUCH a fun time being social and sing-along-ing and learning. There was even one friend who rode the train back on the same train as me... lasting friendships. It's rare that there would be opportunities to have fun and laughter on a 17 hour overnight train ride, but I did it!
Once in SF, I was pretty tired, but didn't want to sleep. It was sunny, and beautiful so I walked around and found a hotel by noon. That afternoon I spent time by the water lounging in the sun and soaking in that air. Just another day of freedom. That night I had a great dinner at this little French bistro on Market St. Nights in a hotel for me usually consist of a little bit of wine and a lot of Comedy Central/History Channel, so I had a great time!
Saturday morning was filled with mild anxiety, I was going to Lovefest all by my lonesome. Turns out, I had so much fun... Go figure. Besides the underage kids and scantily clad everybody, I found the music beyond captivating. Mostly electronic, I just danced the day away into the evening, into the night. Truth is, I don't really need anyone if all I'm going to do is bounce around to different stages weaseling my way to the front and getting down.
On Sunday I checked out of the hotel in thoughts that I would be meeting up with Clint later, but I left my bag here so I didn't have to lug it around. A nice morning walk was perfect for my hung over self, not to mention the hot sun and fresh air. I went to brunch at a really nice place, Zuni, recommended to me by the chef at Sarducci's. Tasty. On my way out, I inquired about the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival, yes, it was free, and yes, it was at Golden Gate Park, and yes, music played til 8. Well DUH, I went. I won't bore you with the spiritual details, but just imagine listening to Little Feat live in the front row, standing with to 55 y.o. deadheads and having a guy screaming "Free Marijuana!" while plunging nuggets into your hands. Surreal.
I lost my phone sometime before that show ended... Without being able to get in touch with Clint, or anybody, I took a cab back to the hotel I had been staying at and slept. The next morning I called my phone again, and someone finally answered! Yessssss, so I spent the morning bussing around to some rando neighborhood, but someone out there is looking out for me. I got my phone back safe and sound and finally made my way to Clint's. Clint looks great, he's still the same as he's always been, just way more pleased with his lifestyle. He's shaggy and scruffy and full of ideas. That afternoon walking around the sunny, bright campus at Berkeley we talked and talked, it was really nice to see him again. His house is so nice and chill, and after a sunset hike on the hills, I realized my comfort. Some things really do never change, Clint and I can still kick it, even after two years and a change of coast.
Tuesday was my last day in the city. Exploring the booths at the Ferry Building farmer's market I bought some stuffffff, some grubbbbbb, and spent the afternoon in the sun. Between the parks and the outdoor patios, it's easy to pass time in SF. Back at the train station that night, I at least had company to look forward to. It's hard to leave somewhere so great, especially knowing that it was the beginning of the end of my journey.
Seeing Ann and family on Wednesday night was so nice, we went out to dinner and just hung out, caught up. Thursday, the driving began. We drove to Hood River to pick up my Subaru, met the owners fam and off I go. The first day was 12 hours to Salt Lake City, where I spent the night with one of Ann's friends. Driving has felt great so far. I'm listening to 'Outlander' which is 33 discs... I'm on 13 now. Friday I made it to Boulder. There was snow coming down on my drive and stuck on the mountains, awesome.
Eli has been great. Friday afternoon we went on a scavenger hunt around campus and the neighborhood, lots of exploragating. Not to mention the insane snow that was falling from the sky all night long. Pretty Dope. That night we went to his buddy's house. beer pong.
Yesterday was the day. We went snowboarding. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I can't believe it even now. Only one run, but snow and sun and happiness. Another feeling of pure bliss and freedom surfaced and shined. Also, we piled five kids into one Subaru, so it all felt right on. Exhausted on the ride home, we got back and I cooked dinner for all of us. YUM. Then we partied last night. Straight up college party. King's Cup and Pong.... It was fun. I was a little nervous, but I pulled this one off as well. Another college party, really is just another college party, so no prob.
Walking home last night we were just hooligans. We threw snowballs at strangers and ripped down caution tape. Sliding down the ice on sidewalks and making friends with enemies. I'm so happy to be here... but I will be leaving, either tomorrow or the next day.
Things are going well for me right now. I'm starting to get nervous about going home, but not giving myself enough time to think about it. Soon I'll be in the FL sun with nothing to do but think, so I'll go back to my meditation then... There's lots to be processed. Taking it all in, and I'm holding on to it, too. I don't wanna lose this.
Love you all.
Snowflakes and Sunshine.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Making moves off of coastal dreams...
September 30, 2009
Today I experienced the Pacific Ocean through all five senses. Not only was the water chilly, but the air was crisp and it stung. The salt tastes like crystals and sticks to your hair and skin like taffy. The smell lifts your brain beyond your skull which enables your eyes to see beyond horizons. Touch; it's like floating on clouds while sinking in sand. Violent serenity.
I embark on my journey eastward on Thursday Oct 8th. The magic of craigslist has landed me a gig driving a 1996 Subaru wagon cross country. I stumbled across an ad that was looking for someone who was headed east from Portland, and I fit the description. So I will return to Portland after my trip to SF and head out immediately. Since I'm traveling alone, I'll make some stops to see some friends along the way. Eli in Boulder and Elizabeth in Gainesville, and lastly, Shelly in NC. The destination for the car is Raleigh, NC, where I'll meet Steve, the guy who owns the car, and I'll move on to Orlando via train or rail.
The thought of driving over the land of the entire country all on my own is pure exhilaration. As much as I would love the company of a warm spirit and a cool breeze, the wanderlust within me always prevails.
Watch out San Fran, here I come... wooooo. KA-DUGE (kah.-doooouzge)
Ya dig?
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Call Me Crazy...
I'm working on a pretty big plan ya'll.
Over the weekend I went to brunch with a friend of a dude that I worked with at home. RANDO. But it was fun, we all cooked and drank mimosa and had a good time. Apparently I haven't turned into a complete social outcast quite yet. I'm not so crazy that I can't carry on a conversation and make small talk with a room full of strangers, this girl has still got game.
SO what's the craziness? Well, it's not official yet... Hopefully by the end of the day I'll be able to disclose more information. For now you can picture me in a black and white movie smoking a slim cigarette through an ivory filter with my elegantly gloved fingers. From underneath my floppy hat and behind my oversized sunglasses I say, "I'm working on something big, fellas," inhale, pause, PUFF, "REAL big..."
Haha, no just kidding, kinda. I'm just all giddy giddy gumdrops.
I do know that I'm going to San Fran on Thursday! yayyyy... So I'm making moves over here on the West Coast, and if things go as planned I'll be on the east coast within the next few weeks.
I'll keep everyone posted.
MUCHAS SMOOCHAS
Monday, September 28, 2009
September 28, 2009
Oh come, oh come! You are the soul
of the soul of the soul of whirling!
Oh come! You are the cypress tall
in the blooming garden of whirling!
Oh come! For there has never been
and will never be one like you!
Come, one like you have never seen
the longing eyes of whirling!
Oh come! The fountain of the sun
is hidden under your shadow!
You own a thousand Venus stars
in the circling heavens of whirling!
The whirling sings your praise and thanks
with a hundred eloquent tongues:
I'll try to say just one, two points
translating the language of whirling.
For when you enter in the dance
you then leave both these worlds
For outside these two worlds there lies
the universe, endless, of whirling.
The roof is high, the lofty roof
that is on the seventh sphere,
But far beyond this roof is raised
the ladder, the ladder of whirling.
Whatever there is, is only He,
your foot steps there in dancing:
The whirling, see, belongs to you,
and you belong to the whirling.
What can I do when Love appears
and puts its claw round my neck?
I grasp it, take it to my breast
and drag it into the whirling!
And when the bosom of the motes
is filled with the glow of the sun,
They enter all the dance, the dance
and do not complain in the whirling!
-Maulana Jalaluddin Rumi
Saturday, September 26, 2009
September 26, 2009
Saturday Morning
I just finished my 2nd cup of coffee and I think I'll go read in sun again. Yesterday I did that all afternoon and it was lovely. I also got in touch with Clint in San Fran and let him know my plans for next weekend, which are not yet finalized but he's ready whenever I get there. I haven't seen him for two years!
Then I went to this crazy yoga class. It was hot and it was sweaty and I felt like I could fly. The weirdest thing happened when I got to class though. Being the first to arrive, I sat down in the front of the studio, off to the side kind of. Literally 10 other people came in and completely filled up the back of the studio to the point where it looked cramp before anyone sat in the front with me. I must have had a booger on my face or somethin.
Last night was awesome. We got a pizza and watched TV, then 'Gran Torino' which I hadn't seen. SO good.
This morning I got up early because the yoga class I wanted to go to was at 8:00. So I got that out of the way for today. Chillin out, laxin and maxin all cool.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
clap. clap.
Friday, September 25, 2009
September 25, 2009
And so the story goes, I'm really enjoying Portland. It's a really nice city and the hospitality at Ann and Brad's is over the top.
If this isn't apparent in my writing, relaxation is controlling my life right now. Not in the sense of laziness, but in the sense of clarity and light-heartedness. Lovely.
I've found another yoga studio that I'm going to everyday, which is helping with this whole happy, healthy feeling I've been going for. Yesterday I went to the Portland Art Museum. They have an incredible collection of Native American art, and I've never seen much of the before. When I get home you can expect me to be hand sewing leather moccasins with porcupine quills and carving utensils out of elk antlers, I wish.
I've got to go play with babygirl Katherine! Looks like I'll be headed to San Fran on Thursday, Oct 1st.
Life is good. The beat goes on.
Oh, except for my first complaint, I miss my shiny, purple bag and my acid wash jeans. I'll just have to wear them each and everyday when I return.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
September 22, 2009
Portland, OR
My last night in Missoula was a dream. Nicole and I went out to eat at a restaurant that was holding a benefit for the school where she works. It was actually the same restaurant that Will and I ate at on our first night in Missoula; everything had come full circle, I felt complete in Montana. We had one of the tastiest bottles of red wine that I have had in a while and enjoyed the 'all you can eat' theme after camping. Sunday night was chilly. We walked back to the boys' house after dinner and I even folded my sweatshirt arms over tight to my body stay cozy.
By the time we made it back, Sam was working on quite the project in the kitchen to ensure that the night was well under way. And so it was, I spent my last night with Will, Danny, Sam and Ryan. Those boys were so sweet to me while I was visiting. It is awfully nice to see them thrive in the elements that they love most. This whole trip is about me doing what I love and being true. Along the way I've seen so many people who do that every day of their lives, it's inspiring and a good reminder. Just because you can't go fly fishing today, doesn't mean that you can't go another time.
I do find that living in the present makes things difficult for me. To not be happy in the present is impossible, though. There is no reason to be upset because of a moment, I think it works in reverse. If the moment yields happiness, then embrace it. And if it does not, accept it.
Today is my second day in Oregon. Monday morning I met my new friend, Spring, for the first time. I found someone who was traveling from Missoula to Portland in the 'rideshare' section on craigslist. We had a really great ride, making small talk and chatting, and mostly listening to CosmoRadio on XM. It was awesome. The drive along the Columbia River on I-84 included bountiful scenery; canyons, mountains, water, perfection.
I'm staying with my mom's cousin, Ann, and her husband, Brad, here in Portland. The kids are 7, JT, and 10 months, Katherine, plus there are two dogs! I get to sleep in a real bed, which is another huge treat for me. So far I've been spoiled with good food, got to watch JT ride his bike for the 2nd time in his life, and spent most of the day being around a beautiful baby girl; I am loving it.
Today I did go downtown to walk around and see part of the city. It was at least 90 degrees and sunny, still no complaints. We got sushi tonight for dinner and I'm still so full that I almost didn't write this. In fact, I just unbuttoned the top button on my jeans, yesss.
I have postcards that I have been trying to mail since last week, so it's crucial that I remember to put them in the mailbox tomorrow.
If you read this post in it's entirety, I love you, and thank you, and I hope you haven't given up on me yet.
Sweet dreams...
Sunday, September 20, 2009
September 20, 2009
Sunday Afternoon
Great weekend in Montana. Friday after yoga, I went to the park with my book and sat by the river. I met up with Nicole when she was out of work and we ate nachos and drank beer. Perfect. The evening was filled with heat, so we simply drank wine and made dinner with the boys. Afterwards, they parted and we enjoyed the night listening to music, being girls and having a sleepover at Nicole's.
Yesterday after coffee, Nicole joined me for yoga and after a short stomp through the People's Market in town, we got ready for some camping. The two of us met up with the boys on the Missouri River in central Montana. Another gorgeous drive, we crossed through the Continental Divide at Roger's Pass and drove with the windows down and tunes up. There were purple canyons and sparkling riverbends. Once we got out to Craig, we found the boys and sat in the sun. They went for an evening fishing adventure, while we watched the sunset. Last night the wind was so fierce, there were storms passing by and the lightning was so bomb. We didn't get hit by any rain so we enjoyed the most wonderful campfire.
Waking up with the sun shining into a tent is so restful for me. Breakfast was coffee, pop tarts and banana-raisin oatmeal. YUM. This morning was one of the ones that I'll remember for a long time. It could have lasted forever; laughs, coffee and sun. But the boys set off to go fishing and we packed up and drove abck to Missoula, it did cool off today.
Fall air feels good and helps wake to wake me up, makes me look around. I also remember how fast the summer breeze passed through.
Fingers crossed for Portland tomorrow.
Great weekend in Montana. Friday after yoga, I went to the park with my book and sat by the river. I met up with Nicole when she was out of work and we ate nachos and drank beer. Perfect. The evening was filled with heat, so we simply drank wine and made dinner with the boys. Afterwards, they parted and we enjoyed the night listening to music, being girls and having a sleepover at Nicole's.
Yesterday after coffee, Nicole joined me for yoga and after a short stomp through the People's Market in town, we got ready for some camping. The two of us met up with the boys on the Missouri River in central Montana. Another gorgeous drive, we crossed through the Continental Divide at Roger's Pass and drove with the windows down and tunes up. There were purple canyons and sparkling riverbends. Once we got out to Craig, we found the boys and sat in the sun. They went for an evening fishing adventure, while we watched the sunset. Last night the wind was so fierce, there were storms passing by and the lightning was so bomb. We didn't get hit by any rain so we enjoyed the most wonderful campfire.
Waking up with the sun shining into a tent is so restful for me. Breakfast was coffee, pop tarts and banana-raisin oatmeal. YUM. This morning was one of the ones that I'll remember for a long time. It could have lasted forever; laughs, coffee and sun. But the boys set off to go fishing and we packed up and drove abck to Missoula, it did cool off today.
Fall air feels good and helps wake to wake me up, makes me look around. I also remember how fast the summer breeze passed through.
Fingers crossed for Portland tomorrow.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
It's September 17th!
Sounds like a good day; September 17th, 2009.
Here I am, sittin' on the porch at the boys house by myself rockin' out to Lil Wayne writing my blog. Typical.
This morning I woke up to meet Dave Nixon for coffee at a bakery in town, Bernice's. For those who can't quite make the connection, Dave is my uncle, the brother of my dad's ex-wife, Amie. I was very eager to speak with him try to get to know him, having only good memories of him when I was so young. We had a great time. Talked for over an hour, did the mini-update alongside the nostalgic-reminiscent moments. Asking the questions that had to be asked and giving honest answers. It really felt good to connect with and share energy with someone who, by default, really knows where I come from. I'm lucky to have such great people care about me in every and all parts of my life.
I got another free yoga class today. Really good practice, and yesterday in the park I finished this book I was reading about meditation.
I feel severely clear and light. If my ride falls though on Monday to get to Portland, I guess I'll just have to stay in Missoula a little longer. ;)
THUGLIFE
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
September 16, 2009
It's not that I don't have enough to write, I've simply been internalizing my thoughts more often. Yesterday I went to a yoga class and found the post office. Those were my goals, and I definitely accomplished them. Today my butt is sore. I made a pie last night at the boys house, and we had another sleepover because I love them and they seem to not mind putting up with me.
Today will be another fun filled day of adventures, I am sure.
sunshine.sunshine.sunshine.love.
Monday, September 14, 2009
East Glacier, MT
September 14, 2009 Holy Cow
To say that Glacier National Park is spiritual place would not be incorrect, but a more thorough description would include the spiritual beings and energy that reside there. I think I have already decided to give today up for meditation. Not crunchy "ohm" types with incense and bells, but just the quiet type with my pen, paper and a book. And that sunshine that feels compelled to shine everyday.
By the time we reached our destination on Friday we were totally fried. Welcoming us into his home was Marty, Nicole's friend who spends Sept-April staying at a three story ranch house that sits on over 100 acres bordering the park, a summer home for a couple in their eighties. Lasagna came out of the oven followed by garlic bread and corn on the cob. The air out there was much colder, but the stars were brighter than they've been for me in a long time.
Saturday we drank pots upon pots of coffee, enjoyed with steamy cinnamon buns, all before a hike down the ridge behind the house to the most chilling river and daunting cliffs. Later in the afternoon, we bought some unnecessarily large beers and went to Two Medicine Lake. Primarily the beauty you notice comes because it is so secluded, far away and quiet. Even being in Missoula has gotten me used to some noise, this lake was just so shiny and smooth. The water was low enough that we could hula hoop 40 feet out. We met lots of friends from East Glacier and spent the rest of the afternoon worshipping the sun and laughing.
Laughter. I think the next twenty four hours of the trip was masked in laughs. After the best seafood enchiladas at Serrano's, where Nicole works, we went back to our luxurious vacation home where Charlotte and Christina opted for a nap and Nicole and I went for an evening saunter.
Saturday night I experienced Glacier in the pure form of 'The International Peace Park'. Complete with a camp fire down at Billy Bob's and gambling games that were called "Fuck me!" or "Ooo, I'm fucked!", I had the time of my life. I managed to only lose five dollars of Nicole's money, and I also didn't die.
Yesterday we had waffles, and spent all afternoon riding around in the back of a pick up truck and scampering about the riverside like woodland nymphs. Our laughter had turned to giggles at this point, we were footloose and fancy free.
Don't think that I've lost my mind, maybe just that I've adopted a new one. For the first time ever in my life, someone told me that I resembled a young Janis Joplin this weekend.
yee-haw.
x.x.
To say that Glacier National Park is spiritual place would not be incorrect, but a more thorough description would include the spiritual beings and energy that reside there. I think I have already decided to give today up for meditation. Not crunchy "ohm" types with incense and bells, but just the quiet type with my pen, paper and a book. And that sunshine that feels compelled to shine everyday.
By the time we reached our destination on Friday we were totally fried. Welcoming us into his home was Marty, Nicole's friend who spends Sept-April staying at a three story ranch house that sits on over 100 acres bordering the park, a summer home for a couple in their eighties. Lasagna came out of the oven followed by garlic bread and corn on the cob. The air out there was much colder, but the stars were brighter than they've been for me in a long time.
Saturday we drank pots upon pots of coffee, enjoyed with steamy cinnamon buns, all before a hike down the ridge behind the house to the most chilling river and daunting cliffs. Later in the afternoon, we bought some unnecessarily large beers and went to Two Medicine Lake. Primarily the beauty you notice comes because it is so secluded, far away and quiet. Even being in Missoula has gotten me used to some noise, this lake was just so shiny and smooth. The water was low enough that we could hula hoop 40 feet out. We met lots of friends from East Glacier and spent the rest of the afternoon worshipping the sun and laughing.
Laughter. I think the next twenty four hours of the trip was masked in laughs. After the best seafood enchiladas at Serrano's, where Nicole works, we went back to our luxurious vacation home where Charlotte and Christina opted for a nap and Nicole and I went for an evening saunter.
Saturday night I experienced Glacier in the pure form of 'The International Peace Park'. Complete with a camp fire down at Billy Bob's and gambling games that were called "Fuck me!" or "Ooo, I'm fucked!", I had the time of my life. I managed to only lose five dollars of Nicole's money, and I also didn't die.
Yesterday we had waffles, and spent all afternoon riding around in the back of a pick up truck and scampering about the riverside like woodland nymphs. Our laughter had turned to giggles at this point, we were footloose and fancy free.
Don't think that I've lost my mind, maybe just that I've adopted a new one. For the first time ever in my life, someone told me that I resembled a young Janis Joplin this weekend.
yee-haw.
x.x.
Friday, September 11, 2009
September 11, 2009
If I could explain my thoughts right now it would be a competition between tanqueray and chronic versus hula hoops.
Today has disappeared. We got a late start, as we spent the night at the boys house due to extreme inebriation. Then I treated us all to mimosas this morning and Sam cooked up so appley goodness cakes and bacon. yum. Back a tthe house now trying to oragnize my thoughts for the weekend. We head up to Glacier National Park in about an hour! Very amped. It is supposed to be another gorgeous weekend. Sunset should be getting ready to go once we get up there which will be perfect. perrrrrrfecct.
I'm trying to embody my enthusiasm and to relay the invaluability (word?) of these experiences thorugh these posts, but if ou could see the smile on my face it would sink in a little deeper for all of us. Just keep that in mind, Laura and Justine have already received picture texts of my face, and I would never be offended to see any of your faces.
Missing everyone everyday, but loving the movement forward.
lovvvvvee.
xx
Today has disappeared. We got a late start, as we spent the night at the boys house due to extreme inebriation. Then I treated us all to mimosas this morning and Sam cooked up so appley goodness cakes and bacon. yum. Back a tthe house now trying to oragnize my thoughts for the weekend. We head up to Glacier National Park in about an hour! Very amped. It is supposed to be another gorgeous weekend. Sunset should be getting ready to go once we get up there which will be perfect. perrrrrrfecct.
I'm trying to embody my enthusiasm and to relay the invaluability (word?) of these experiences thorugh these posts, but if ou could see the smile on my face it would sink in a little deeper for all of us. Just keep that in mind, Laura and Justine have already received picture texts of my face, and I would never be offended to see any of your faces.
Missing everyone everyday, but loving the movement forward.
lovvvvvee.
xx
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
September 9, 2009
Wednesday, and I stil haven't found anything to complain about.
A flat tire kept us from getting to Little Blackfoot today. But Sam and Will busted out their man skills and changed the flat in no time. So we re-visited Rock Creek.
Things I did today:
-Saw wild long horned sheep
-Found a fossil
-Made friends with a butterfly
-Ate freshly caught fishies cooked over a fire on the riverside
Today was another one of those great sunny days filled with sights and sounds. Last night we watched 'A River Runs Through It' with Sam and Ryan (Sam and Danny's housemate). Some sort of realism and mystcism was brought to my understanding of Missoula at the same time. The boys caught lots of fish and I read lots of pages. One more day of release to complete this seemingly never ending cycle.
Yoga.last.night. = bomb.ass.time. I wish everyone feels the way that I felt last ngiht in this yoga practice. It ended up being me and this grad student teacher, so she made me do some crazy handstands and arm holds. For your information, I am more like a ninja than I think I ever have been in my entire lifetime. EVER.
Well, now that I'm all worked up, I'm gonna go wind down with a nice glass of red wine.
Until next time,
squeeze it easy.
A flat tire kept us from getting to Little Blackfoot today. But Sam and Will busted out their man skills and changed the flat in no time. So we re-visited Rock Creek.
Things I did today:
-Saw wild long horned sheep
-Found a fossil
-Made friends with a butterfly
-Ate freshly caught fishies cooked over a fire on the riverside
Today was another one of those great sunny days filled with sights and sounds. Last night we watched 'A River Runs Through It' with Sam and Ryan (Sam and Danny's housemate). Some sort of realism and mystcism was brought to my understanding of Missoula at the same time. The boys caught lots of fish and I read lots of pages. One more day of release to complete this seemingly never ending cycle.
Yoga.last.night. = bomb.ass.time. I wish everyone feels the way that I felt last ngiht in this yoga practice. It ended up being me and this grad student teacher, so she made me do some crazy handstands and arm holds. For your information, I am more like a ninja than I think I ever have been in my entire lifetime. EVER.
Well, now that I'm all worked up, I'm gonna go wind down with a nice glass of red wine.
Until next time,
squeeze it easy.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
September 8, 2009
Tuesday morning finds me well rested and looking forward to another beautiful day in Missoula.
Yesterday, I went with the boys up to Rock Creek, where they could enjoy fly fishing and I could enjoy the mountain air. Between the sun, the river and the breeze, it's hard to know exactly where you are. It made me feel unusually grounded and stable; not bad. Invigorating. Not only are the people welcoming, but the landscape offers new levels of home.
Last night was filled with wine and food and friends. Sigh.
And today I'll set off into town. The library opens today, and I'm going to try to find a yoga studio. Sam hesitated, yet has offered for me to help him with his Montucky bracelet and lanyard making production. Hopefully I can do a lilttle of that. So far I'm have no trouble keeping myself busy and inspired.
Coffee's out, morning must be over. I feel that comfort of the East Coast everyday and I'm so lucky for that. This whirlwind is only beginning.
loves.
x.o.
Yesterday, I went with the boys up to Rock Creek, where they could enjoy fly fishing and I could enjoy the mountain air. Between the sun, the river and the breeze, it's hard to know exactly where you are. It made me feel unusually grounded and stable; not bad. Invigorating. Not only are the people welcoming, but the landscape offers new levels of home.
Last night was filled with wine and food and friends. Sigh.
And today I'll set off into town. The library opens today, and I'm going to try to find a yoga studio. Sam hesitated, yet has offered for me to help him with his Montucky bracelet and lanyard making production. Hopefully I can do a lilttle of that. So far I'm have no trouble keeping myself busy and inspired.
Coffee's out, morning must be over. I feel that comfort of the East Coast everyday and I'm so lucky for that. This whirlwind is only beginning.
loves.
x.o.
Monday, September 7, 2009
September 7, 2009
It's mid-day and I'm at Sam and Danny's House. Missoula is full of faces and stories that you could never imagine. Things are starting to feel a little bit real. Last night we ended our evening with new friends and a barbecue. Nicole Whitney came over, and we've made plans with some girls to road trip up to Glacier National Park this weekend. Dope.
Waking up this morning with Montana sun on my face and mountains out of my window made me realize I'm at odds with the world.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
September 6, 2009
Here I am in Misssoula, MT!
What am I doing right now? drinking a beer, listening to Bob Marley, and getting ready to grill a steak. I think I'm going to rent a room here for a while. Will and I found a house that had a room for rent and it's really good size. The house is South 11th St, if you want to do some google earth in Missoula. We had a really fun trip out here, as you all know I would have a campfire and a joint every night if I was able. I feel relaxed. Surprisingly so, with no real life support.
The house is two stories. We're on the second, with another guy named Will, but I guess he's not here a lot. The other two guys, Evan and Jon, live on the first floor. There's a bathroom, a living room, a real big kitchen and a backyard. What the hell am I thinking? Well, I can't really answer that one, I find myself not thinking about much and I kind of like it. Things are slower out here. As the mountains got bigger, we began to drive faster, but everything slows down because the sky has no end and the mountains are so prominent. The mountains rule out here.
The west coast is still calling to me and I spoke to my friend Clint in San Fransico today, he's pretty stoked. I'll plan on taking advantage of that and I may be making stops at Seattle and Portland as well. If I could end this journey with a plane ticket out of Boulder, CO, mission accomplished. Otherwise, the east will be waiting for me as soon as I'm ready, right? I'm sending extremely positive energy to everybody back east.
lovvve.
x.x.
What am I doing right now? drinking a beer, listening to Bob Marley, and getting ready to grill a steak. I think I'm going to rent a room here for a while. Will and I found a house that had a room for rent and it's really good size. The house is South 11th St, if you want to do some google earth in Missoula. We had a really fun trip out here, as you all know I would have a campfire and a joint every night if I was able. I feel relaxed. Surprisingly so, with no real life support.
The house is two stories. We're on the second, with another guy named Will, but I guess he's not here a lot. The other two guys, Evan and Jon, live on the first floor. There's a bathroom, a living room, a real big kitchen and a backyard. What the hell am I thinking? Well, I can't really answer that one, I find myself not thinking about much and I kind of like it. Things are slower out here. As the mountains got bigger, we began to drive faster, but everything slows down because the sky has no end and the mountains are so prominent. The mountains rule out here.
The west coast is still calling to me and I spoke to my friend Clint in San Fransico today, he's pretty stoked. I'll plan on taking advantage of that and I may be making stops at Seattle and Portland as well. If I could end this journey with a plane ticket out of Boulder, CO, mission accomplished. Otherwise, the east will be waiting for me as soon as I'm ready, right? I'm sending extremely positive energy to everybody back east.
lovvve.
x.x.
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