It snowed today enough to make a difference. I woke up t snow on the ground and in the air. All day it's been cloudy cool, the kind that doesn't make you miss the sunshine. At first I thought that's why I was in a funk, but it's not. I've been waiting so long for the snow, winter to be on it's way.

Yesterday, it was windy and the sun was shining. I woke up cozy and happy. My new place feels like home after a week. It's Burlington that has got me worried. Maybe today is too soon to make any real decisions about how I feel. The afternoon sent my to the lake yesterday, I read poetry and just thanked the sun for shining. I have plenty to offer, as I always do and always hope I will. Ergh, I have to take a break.

I said that yesterday to Hedda. I was walking to the water and I said, "Oh, I'm just taking a break..."

"From work?"

"No."

Sometimes life deserves a break. Meditation is a task and not a gift. I miss the times when I was traveling and meditation seemed to come so easily and quickly. The real world is much less forgiving than the dream that I once lived in. Being back, I've been looking for something, looking for a life, or something, and I have not been able to find it, or what it is. That's what is so exhausting, a constant search, yearning, striving.

School is not what will fill that void. Even though that would be nice, I know it's not what I'm looking for. It will play a different role than it did before, but not necessarily better. I don't want to go back.

Fuck